I Believe.

I believe in equal rights for men and women. 🚺🚹

That means women should be apart of the draft, men should engage actively in caring for children and the home, and both should be paid the same for the same work.

I believe in equal rights for LBGT people, straight people, and religious people. ✝️☮️

That means if the LGBT community refuses to support a president who (they believe) is against their lifestyle by refusing to perform at his inauguration, so does a Christian baker have the right to refuse to bake a cake for their wedding.

I believe in equal rights for colored people and white people. 🤜🏻🤛🏾

That means a white man saying "fuck black people" should be considered just as hateful and wrong as a colored person shouting, "fuck white people." Racism goes both ways.

I support law enforcement, but also want them to be held accountable for acts of brutality.

I believe in a woman's choice to have an abortion because I believe it's more compassionate than a child being raised unloved and wanted, but my heart still breaks for the loss of life because I also believe in the child's right to life. 🤰🏻

I believe we need to help take care of others in less fortunate situations, but I also believe we need to take care of our own first and then we will be better suited to help others.

I believe you can disagree with Trumps policies, but still respect him and hope for him to be successful as our commander in chief.

Right or left, we know the difference between right and wrong.

You can have your own, firm belief system, and still respect the differing beliefs of others.

How I Became an EX-Yeller

When Zak left for his deployment in June of 2014, nothing could have prepared me for the emotional battle I would fight for the next 9 months while being pregnant, a new homeschooling mother, and being in a brand new state all alone with 2 kids under the age of 5.

Okay, well maybe I had a BIT of a clue that it would be hard, but never did I imagine I would become the person I did. I became a YELLER. And I don't mean just a raised voice when talking to my kids, I mean I would SCREAM until my voice broke, my face turned red, and my body shook. 

Everytime I yelled I cried, they cried, and I would pray to God to give me the strength to stop, and control myself the next time I was going to lose my temper. Only to turn around and do it again later on. It was a dark time I will forever be ashamed of, and it has scarred my heart. It took a year later and another little fire cracker of a baby for me to realize why it was I yelled so much. I expected ABSOLUTE PERFECTION from my 2 and 4 year old. They were so obedient, and so willing to do whatever I said, that I started treating them like mini adults instead of kids. 

Once Mila was born, and my entire life was shaken and turned upside down by her strong willed personality, I was finally slapped with the reality that I had insanely unrealistic expectations of my children, and of myself. Just because they were good kids, did not give me the right to be so critical of their mistakes.

It is okay to be a flawed mother to imperfect children.

It is okay to need to take an extended time out in a locked room while ignoring the kids fighting in the other room. 

It is okay to let the house be a mess while drinking some wine and bingeing on Netflix. 

It's okay if Lily doesn't spend 8 hours a day playing piano and reading Shakesphere and instead we just play in the kitchen and call it a school day.

It's okay if the kids watch TV or play video games most of the day instead of fighting with them to "play" when they just don't want to.

The biggest thing I want to remember as we prepare for this upcoming deployment, is that I am not perfect, my kids are not perfect, and there is no need for me to put the pressure on myself or anyone else to be.

(If you struggle with chronic yelling and would like judgement-free place to talk and get advice, please feel free to email me or find me on Facebook and I would love to talk to you.)f

Little Adjustments

The first time I EVER drove on the highway I remember this conversation my dad, "I feel like I'm constantly having to turn slightly left and then slightly back right. Like, I never just hold the wheel and go straight. Is that normal?" He responded, "Yes, you're going to have to constantly make little adjustments every single time you're on the road."

It was a simple conversation that had little impact on me at the time, but as an adult mother of three and military spouse, it reminds me everyday that its absolutely necessary to make constant adjustments. 

Mila doesn't want to be rocked to sleep even though that's the only way she has gone to sleep for the last week straight? Make an adjustment. 

The chore/allowance chart I meticulously made and spent 30 minutes trying to explain to the kids has now become Mila's favorite coloring book and the kids still throw fits over their chores? Adjust. 

Hubby is getting called into work on a day we had plans? Adjust. 

Lily isn't learning in school? Turn a little left. 

Vinny is starting to act out because he isn't getting any attention? Turn a little right. 

Adjust. Adjust. Adjust. 

During my daughter's first year homeschooling, I would have full blown anxiety attacks if I didn't have her homework for the next day laid out, planned, and each little material we would need prepared. I wanted homeschooling to be 100% smooth sailing, going down a straight and narrow road. It didn't take me long to realize it wasn't going to be that easy. If one morning before school there was a piece of string missing from the supplies list, I would quit. We would turn on the screen and I would sulk. The road started to curve, and I refused to turn with it, so I crashed. 

Eventually, I decided that homeschooling was just too much for me, and I decided to quit and put her in public school. During her time in public school, she made lots of friends, but she was treated poorly by her teachers, she wasn't learning anything, and there was very little merit to her being there any longer. We ultimately decided to bring her back home, only this time I was going to relax, go with the flow, and teach according to her needs, her interests, and whatever the day throws at us.

I ADJUSTED.

Every day I have to make tiny tweaks to life and how it runs. I have to make adjustments to my workouts. To my diet. I have to constantly reevaluate how to handle situations with my kids and how I show my husband love. I try to make plans. I buy expensive planners to try and keep life going perfectly straight for a while, but if there is anything I have learned since becoming a mother and a military wife, it's that if I keep holding the wheel straight even after the road has turned, I'm going to crash.  

Moms, don't beat yourselves up when that chore chart you slaved over ends up being a drawing board after a week, or when the PERFECT exercise plan you made ends up being ruined when you have surprise errands to run. We make plans for a month and feel defeated when they last only a week, then we have to make HUGE changes to our plans, and we crash.

Everyday is going to be a new chance to relearn everything you thought you knew the day before. New twists and turns will come up in the road. Why do we try to hold the wheel straight when the road is starting to curve? Adjust and go with the flow, mama.

"Change is the only constant in life."