Day 2: Cleaning.

I am exhausted after hitting the gym hard this morning, then coming home and deep cleaning and reorganizing my house. I want to make sure Zak and I have as little to argue about as possible when he is home, so I'm eliminating as many environmental stressors as I can.

She is already doing a great job making the place a mess again, but she does it SO CUTE!



1. A Clean House.

I am so thankful for a clean house. I was lucky enough to be able to put my kids in hourly care for a few hours today so I could focus on cleaning. Although cleaning really sucked, I was thankful for the opportunity to be able to do it while blasting my music and not having to pick up small messes from Mila along the way.

2. Dinner Outside.

It was such a beautiful day, and Lily asked while I was making dinner, "Can we eat dinner outside?" It's amazing when such small things bring kids so much joy! Something as little as eating outside can make their entire day!

 

3. Star Wars and Snuggles. 

After dinner and cookies and cream ice-cream, we were all four EXHAUSTED and snuggled on the couch watching Star Wars until it was their bedtime. Few things beat laying down, and having your 3, beautiful babies fall half-asleep on you. 

This was short and sweet, and I am exhausted, so I'm gonna finish up this episode of Grey's, go to sleep, and do it all over again tomorrow. 

Day 1: United Airlines Memes

So, in true Rachelle fashion, I have to start this post with my latest mom-fail.

It was 4:15, and we needed to be to gymnastics at 4:30. I asked everyone to get their shoes on while I threw the diaper bag together and got everyone water and snacks. 

As we are all headed out the door, guess who doesn't have shoes on? My slow-ass little man was too captivated by Barbie's Life in the Dreamhouse to shove on his sneakers, so I turned the TV off, and told him the girls and I would meet him outside in the car. After wrestling Mila into her car seat, arguing with Lily about how she should bring crayons instead of markers to the gym, getting in my seat, turning my music on, and sitting for about 5 minutes, I realize Vincent still has not come out. 

I walk into the house to see if he needs help with his shoes, and he is no where to be found. 

I call him. No answer. I yell for him. No answer. I SCREAM AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS. Still nothing. Now I'm pissed. We are running late, this is ALL for HIS class, and he is going to try to play hide-and-seek right now? So like all wonderful mothers do, I scream, "IF YOU DO NOT ANSWER ME RIGHT NOW I AM GOING TO FIND YOU AND BEAT YOUR ASS!" Still. No. Answer. 

Now I'm worried. Because if he was in the house, he would have heard me. And if he would have heard me, he would have been running to me as fast as his little feet could carry him. 

I run back outside to see if he ran around the house, and there, sitting in his seat buckled up and ready to go, is Vincent. Somehow in the commotion of getting the girls in the car I didn't notice him slip into the car. I crack up laughing and tell Vincent how I was freaking out in the house because I thought he was hiding from me. He says, "Well, I wasn't hiding mom, I was just in the car. So I guess you don't have to beat my ass." 😂

So, anyways, now that you know what a deranged psycho I am, let me tell you what I'm grateful for today! 😂

Honestly, today was an amazing day. It's truly incredible what a difference changing your perspective on simple day to day life can make on how you feel about your life as a whole. As I went through my day, I took special care to mentally note the things that happened that gave me great joy, and although it is hard to narrow it down, here are the 3 things that I am so thankful for today. 

1. United Airline Memes 

Like, I'm sorry, but those things are fucking hilarious. I sat there for about 10 minutes in my kitchen while my kids had a frozen yogurt tube outside and I skimmed through dozens of absolutely comical and brilliant memes. I haven't laughed so hard in a LONG TIME! 

2. Having Coffee with A Friend

Like this even requires an explanation. There is always a handful of people you meet at each duty station that you KNOW you are going to be life long friends with, and this girl is definitely one of them. It's amazing having our kids just play and get along while her and I have a cup of coffee and just chat about life. 

3. Mila's Smile. 

Without fail, no matter what kind of mood I'm in, this girl always has a way of putting a smile on my face. Lily and Vincent spent most of the night bickering, but no matter what is going on, I can always count on Mila to have a  smile for me. 

Overall, I am really excited and encouraged in the changes that I feel after just one day of trying to find the silver lining to everything. I feel so much more positive, happy, and I am excited to see that rub off on my kids too who have spent a great deal of the last few months tuning into my negativity and self-doubt. Tonight when they went to bed, they both said they were grateful for cuddles with their mom, and for getting to play with their friends.

I really feel like this is the first day to a very beautiful change within our family. 

21 Days of Gratitude.

Sometimes life just sucks.

I mean... It REALLY sucks.

Some people can take all that suck, and make something kinda alright and less suckish out of it.

I've never really been that person.

If you glance through the first few days on my social media page (or if you are one of the few close family members or friends who I call to vent to often), you can't help noticing there is always some sort of drama in my life. By "drama" I mean almost driving off to Walmart without one of my kids, or leaving the car on overnight and having to flag down a poor dude on his way to work in his dress blues to give me jump start. And although my posts may seem light hearted and silly, ninety percent of the time I will let these events really get me flustered.

Today we had a reintegration brief, and a speaker came and spoke to us about being grateful. Ya know, "have an attitude of gratitude" and all that mumbo jumbo, well today she shared something from an essay written by Robert Emmons titled, "How Gratitude Can Help You Through Hard Times." In the essay Robert says, "It's easy to feel grateful when life is good, but when disaster strikes, gratitude is worth the effort."

If you stop for a moment and really think about it, this statement has SO MUCH to offer. Anyone can be joyful when things are going their way, and it's not until we go through hard times that we appreciate the simple things. For example, my car has started every single time I've turned it on for the last 2 years, but it wasn't until I got in the car after having it jump started that I truly appreciated the soft purring of the engine.

Along with the obvious meat that statement had to offer, there was one thing that I feel a lot of people overlook. The most weighted word in that statement is EFFORT. Gratitude takes EFFORT. Being a positive person takes EFFORT. Like I said, ninety percent of the time my immediate response to these unfortunate events is to get frustrated and find the nearest liquor store, but I have to make a constant, INTENTIONAL EFFORT to be grateful instead for the sucky parts of life.

Now, lets be real here. Was I FEELING thankful that my car died and I had to get a jump start with 3 kids buckled in and it was starting to rain? HELL NO! BUT, I did learn that I have wonderful friends, and wonderful neighbors who are willing to go out of their way to help me when I need it and I was so thankful for that! What a great perspective to give this irritating event! Instead of drinking my sorrows of the day away in red wine, I am going to bed tonight with my heart full. All this has really made me wonder, what other annoying, frustrating, or even flat out traumatic things have I let drag me down and overcast my life that I can CHOOSE instead to look at through gracious eyes?

I have let the twists and turns of life get me down too long. I have let my imperfect parenting, wifey-ing, and fitness-ing create an overcast of disappointment over my life of too long, and I'm ready to make a change! I am going to start a challenge for myself and this blog every single night for 21 nights, to share a list of 3 things that I am thankful for that happened during that day, and why I am thankful for them. Sometimes, (like today) I am going to have to really scrape for things to be happy about, but I am hoping this will help me get into a more positive frame of mind for when my husband gets home and we go through this difficult stage of reintegration. (A topic for another blog post.)

Life is full of suck and it always will be, but I am done venting about my misfortunes to friends, family, and on social media. Now it's time I gain a new perspective on it. A more gracious perspective.

I will also be doing this exercise with my children before bed each night to help them have a more positive outlook on their misfortunes. If there is enough interest, I will gladly start up a Facebook group for those wanting to participate in the challenge.

I Believe.

I believe in equal rights for men and women. 🚺🚹

That means women should be apart of the draft, men should engage actively in caring for children and the home, and both should be paid the same for the same work.

I believe in equal rights for LBGT people, straight people, and religious people. ✝️☮️

That means if the LGBT community refuses to support a president who (they believe) is against their lifestyle by refusing to perform at his inauguration, so does a Christian baker have the right to refuse to bake a cake for their wedding.

I believe in equal rights for colored people and white people. 🤜🏻🤛🏾

That means a white man saying "fuck black people" should be considered just as hateful and wrong as a colored person shouting, "fuck white people." Racism goes both ways.

I support law enforcement, but also want them to be held accountable for acts of brutality.

I believe in a woman's choice to have an abortion because I believe it's more compassionate than a child being raised unloved and wanted, but my heart still breaks for the loss of life because I also believe in the child's right to life. 🤰🏻

I believe we need to help take care of others in less fortunate situations, but I also believe we need to take care of our own first and then we will be better suited to help others.

I believe you can disagree with Trumps policies, but still respect him and hope for him to be successful as our commander in chief.

Right or left, we know the difference between right and wrong.

You can have your own, firm belief system, and still respect the differing beliefs of others.

How I Became an EX-Yeller

When Zak left for his deployment in June of 2014, nothing could have prepared me for the emotional battle I would fight for the next 9 months while being pregnant, a new homeschooling mother, and being in a brand new state all alone with 2 kids under the age of 5.

Okay, well maybe I had a BIT of a clue that it would be hard, but never did I imagine I would become the person I did. I became a YELLER. And I don't mean just a raised voice when talking to my kids, I mean I would SCREAM until my voice broke, my face turned red, and my body shook. 

Everytime I yelled I cried, they cried, and I would pray to God to give me the strength to stop, and control myself the next time I was going to lose my temper. Only to turn around and do it again later on. It was a dark time I will forever be ashamed of, and it has scarred my heart. It took a year later and another little fire cracker of a baby for me to realize why it was I yelled so much. I expected ABSOLUTE PERFECTION from my 2 and 4 year old. They were so obedient, and so willing to do whatever I said, that I started treating them like mini adults instead of kids. 

Once Mila was born, and my entire life was shaken and turned upside down by her strong willed personality, I was finally slapped with the reality that I had insanely unrealistic expectations of my children, and of myself. Just because they were good kids, did not give me the right to be so critical of their mistakes.

It is okay to be a flawed mother to imperfect children.

It is okay to need to take an extended time out in a locked room while ignoring the kids fighting in the other room. 

It is okay to let the house be a mess while drinking some wine and bingeing on Netflix. 

It's okay if Lily doesn't spend 8 hours a day playing piano and reading Shakesphere and instead we just play in the kitchen and call it a school day.

It's okay if the kids watch TV or play video games most of the day instead of fighting with them to "play" when they just don't want to.

The biggest thing I want to remember as we prepare for this upcoming deployment, is that I am not perfect, my kids are not perfect, and there is no need for me to put the pressure on myself or anyone else to be.

(If you struggle with chronic yelling and would like judgement-free place to talk and get advice, please feel free to email me or find me on Facebook and I would love to talk to you.)f

Little Adjustments

The first time I EVER drove on the highway I remember this conversation my dad, "I feel like I'm constantly having to turn slightly left and then slightly back right. Like, I never just hold the wheel and go straight. Is that normal?" He responded, "Yes, you're going to have to constantly make little adjustments every single time you're on the road."

It was a simple conversation that had little impact on me at the time, but as an adult mother of three and military spouse, it reminds me everyday that its absolutely necessary to make constant adjustments. 

Mila doesn't want to be rocked to sleep even though that's the only way she has gone to sleep for the last week straight? Make an adjustment. 

The chore/allowance chart I meticulously made and spent 30 minutes trying to explain to the kids has now become Mila's favorite coloring book and the kids still throw fits over their chores? Adjust. 

Hubby is getting called into work on a day we had plans? Adjust. 

Lily isn't learning in school? Turn a little left. 

Vinny is starting to act out because he isn't getting any attention? Turn a little right. 

Adjust. Adjust. Adjust. 

During my daughter's first year homeschooling, I would have full blown anxiety attacks if I didn't have her homework for the next day laid out, planned, and each little material we would need prepared. I wanted homeschooling to be 100% smooth sailing, going down a straight and narrow road. It didn't take me long to realize it wasn't going to be that easy. If one morning before school there was a piece of string missing from the supplies list, I would quit. We would turn on the screen and I would sulk. The road started to curve, and I refused to turn with it, so I crashed. 

Eventually, I decided that homeschooling was just too much for me, and I decided to quit and put her in public school. During her time in public school, she made lots of friends, but she was treated poorly by her teachers, she wasn't learning anything, and there was very little merit to her being there any longer. We ultimately decided to bring her back home, only this time I was going to relax, go with the flow, and teach according to her needs, her interests, and whatever the day throws at us.

I ADJUSTED.

Every day I have to make tiny tweaks to life and how it runs. I have to make adjustments to my workouts. To my diet. I have to constantly reevaluate how to handle situations with my kids and how I show my husband love. I try to make plans. I buy expensive planners to try and keep life going perfectly straight for a while, but if there is anything I have learned since becoming a mother and a military wife, it's that if I keep holding the wheel straight even after the road has turned, I'm going to crash.  

Moms, don't beat yourselves up when that chore chart you slaved over ends up being a drawing board after a week, or when the PERFECT exercise plan you made ends up being ruined when you have surprise errands to run. We make plans for a month and feel defeated when they last only a week, then we have to make HUGE changes to our plans, and we crash.

Everyday is going to be a new chance to relearn everything you thought you knew the day before. New twists and turns will come up in the road. Why do we try to hold the wheel straight when the road is starting to curve? Adjust and go with the flow, mama.

"Change is the only constant in life."